Marriage, Depression & New Year's Resolutions

It is that time of year, the time of year that depression sets in for many. Shorter days, colder weather, large credit card balances from Christmas spending and maybe failed expectations from your loved one this holiday season. Time to reflect on the year and maybe your relationship/marriage has soured or isn't what you had hoped it would be and you just been trying to get through the holidays.

Well, just so you know, the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. It is always greener where it gets watered.

Contrary to what many people believe, there is no such thing as a Mr. or Mrs. Right for us. Want in on a divine secret?

God puts people in your life for a reason, it is up to you to make the relationship Holy or allow Satan to tear it apart.

In in his book "Laugh your way to a Better Marriage," author Mark Gungor says:

“The truth is, a successful marriage is not the result of marrying the “right” person, feeling the “right” emotions, thinking the “right” thoughts, or even praying the “right” prayers. It’s about doing the “right” things -- period."

Truth

Nothing in the bible tells us that God has a chosen one for us. Why? As Gungor says, "Because He knows that His principles of love, acceptance, patience, and forgiveness work, and they work all the time, every time — no matter to whom you are married.”

I wrote a blog in October titled "Important Questions Jesus Asked Himself" that goes into depth of these same principles.

Ever want to become a priest or nun and devote yourself to the Lord? Well, marriage is even a higher calling. Marriage is a Holy union between man and woman instituted by God, it provides the framework to add more children to God's Kingdom.

Marriage will test your faith and be a testament of your faith to make it work. Why? Because marriage forces you to become more selfless and Christlike on a daily basis--being single doesn't. Marriage forces you to grow up and to think less about self. To make a relationship work, you have to be less self-centered and more Christ-centered.

But today's world seems to cut-and-run in relationships when the going gets tough as Gungor says: “Then the unwise voices of modern convention scream in their minds: ‘If things are bad, you married the wrong person.’ ‘It’s not supposed to be this hard.’ ‘You’ve made a mistake.’ ‘God doesn’t want you to feel unloved.’"

But any relationship is hard work and God has to be the center of it. Perhaps this scripture tells it best:

• Proverbs 14:4: Where there are no oxen, the manger is empty, but from the strength of an ox comes an abundant harvest.

And where there are oxen, there will be ox poo.

As with anything in life, whether it be your job or marriage...

• Colossians 3:23-24: Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

And marriage requires two people serving eachother for the Lord. I know that I want to be treated like a King. Not that type of King, like Christ who is the King. Wives, treat your husbands like Christ the King. Husbands treat your wives like Christ did the church.

Divorce - What did Jesus Say?

Mark 10:2-8: Some Pharisees came and tested him (Jesus) by asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" "What did Moses command you?" Jesus replied. They said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away."

"It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law," Jesus replied. "But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one."

Mark 10:9: "Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

"Let man not separate." This means: divisive friends or family, marriage counselors that don't view marriage as a sacrament, greedy attorneys and the hard-hearted prideful spouse.


Advice From Christ

Luke 21:34-36: "Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with dissipation, drunkenness and the anxieties of life, and that day will close on you unexpectedly like a trap. For it will come upon all those who live on the face of the whole earth. Be always on the watch, and pray that you may be able to escape all that is about to happen, and that you may be able to stand before the Son of Man."

Can't think of a New Year's Resolution for 2010?

How about living a more Holy life and being more Christlike to those around you.

And judging from divorce statistics, make a resolution to work harder in your relationship and be a better parent and spouse.

• John 13:34: "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."
  
  

Its all Faith Plus Love. And when you have these, you have Hope.

A video I recommend, click HERE

Peace be with you,

© Michael J. Cox

The Sacrament of Marriage

Marriage is one of the seven sacraments of the Catholic Church. It is one of the many reasons why I chose to become Catholic. But what is the scriptural proof that marriage is a sacrament? First, we have to know the definition of what a sacrament is.

What is a Sacrament?

A sacrament is "outward signs of inward grace instituted by Christ for our sanctification."

Another definition of a sacrament is: "a rite, instituted by Christ, that mediates grace, constituting a sacred mystery."

Since the New Testament was originally written in Greek, not Latin, the word for sacrament we find in the Bible is the Greek word mysterion, "mystery." Sacraments are something of a mystery, something we cannot fully understand.

Marriage as a Sacrament

Most Protestants don't view marriage as a sacrament. John Calvin was very influential in this line of thinking. Calvin wrote:

"Lastly, there is matrimony, which all admit was instituted by God, though no one before the time of (Pope) Gregory regarded it as a sacrament. What man in his sober senses could so regard it? God's ordinance is good and holy; so also are agriculture, architecture, shoemaking, hair-cutting legitimate ordinances of God, but they are not sacraments."

This is not true.

More than a eleven hundred years before Pope Gregory and the Council of Trent (1545-1563), Saint Augustine (Augustine of Hippo) stated:

"Among all people and all men the good that is secured by marriage consists in the offspring and in the chastity of married fidelity; but, in the case of God’s people, it consists moreover in the holiness of the sacrament, by reason of which it is forbidden, even after a separation has taken place, to marry another as long as the first partner lives . . ." (Source: St. Augustine, De bono conjugii - chap. xxiv in P.L., XL, 394)

The Fourth Lateran Council (1215) was the first to list marriage in the official list of church's seven sacraments.

As Catholic Encyclopedia explains: "The reason why marriage was not expressly and formally included among the sacraments earlier and the denial of it branded as heresy, is to be found in the historical development of the doctrine regarding the sacraments; but the fact itself may be traced to Apostolic times."

Calvin's Viewpoint

Backing up to Calvin's viewpoint, the difference between marriage versus agriculture, architecture, shoemaking, etc, is that these vocations lack a mysterious bond that unites man and woman.

When a man and a women are married, they are united as One:

• Genesis 2:24: For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
  
• Mark 10:7-9: 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.


• Ephesians 5:31-32: “For this cause shall a man leave father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall I be one flesh. This mystery is great; but I speak in regard to Christ and the church.

Earlier in Ephesians, what is marriage compared to? Christ’s church.

• Ephesians 5:23: For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
• Ephesians 5:25: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

And what makes marriage higher than any vocation? What is often the result of this union? God willing--Children--more potential members in Christ's Kingdom.

• Malachi 2:15; Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring.

And God won't hate it if you divorce your career as a farmer, architect, shoemaker, etc. God does, however, hate divorcing your spouse.

• Malachi 2:16: "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel

Christ's First Miracle

Is it any surprise where Christ's first miracle was performed and what his first miracle turned out to be? At a wedding at Cana when he turned water into wine. See: John 2:1-11 The covenant of marriage parallels the New Covenant Jesus brought to the world. See: Luke 22:20

Building Your Marriage Around God

The following scripture shows the benefit of marriage and hints at the importance of making God the center of it.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Two are better than one,

because they have a good return for their work:

If one falls down, his friend can help him up.

But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered,

two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

The three strands in the cord above are husband, wife and God. Simple math: 1 + 1 = 2. Whereas God's math: 1 + 1 + 1 = 1 (Husband + Wife + God = One). God is the steel strand in the cord. If you center your marriage around God, Satan will not be able to unravel it, divide it or break it.

Given the fact the U.S. has the highest divorce rate in the world, it is important to understand the real purpose of marriage. It isn't necessarily to make us happy, it is to make us more Holy. Ultimately, our happiness comes from our Lord.

Just like religious vocations in the priesthood, we are called to devote ourselves to our spouses as priests devote themselves to their flock. More importantly, as Christ gave himself up for us. That is why marriage is compared to Christ's church in Ephesians. Loving and forgiving the one closest to us, is a great day-to-day test of our Faith.

So please remember:

• Colossians 3:13: Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
• Ephesians 5:25-28: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
• Ephesians 5:22-24: Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

And also remember, in troubled times in your marriage and everyday life:

• Ephesians 6:12: For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Don't let Satan ruin your marriage with selfishness, pride and anger.

Pray for humility and to be filled with the Holy Spirit.

Peace be with you,

© Michael J. Cox